Burnout

Never before did I really understand exactly how much burnout just sucks away all your desire and ability to do any sort of work.

For the past two weeks, I flat out ignored the assignments I was supposed to do for my comparative class, because I honestly just could not do it.  I know that is weird to say, especially for me, but...I felt like I couldn't.

I guess the depression and self-hate and this feeling of absolute hopelessness just...zapped every little ounce of energy and determination I had.  The only time I feel even a little happy is when Callie is around (which is probably why I got so defensive...well, more defensive than I normally would be in that situation) and the work I have to do just feels like a huge mountain that I am unable to climb.

Nothing is going to get better, I feel like.  I don't know what to do.  I feel like...I'm not myself.  Even with being depressed and stuff.  My head just hurts, and everything seems more difficult to comprehend and pay attention to.  I can't focus, I can't think of ideas.  The world seems to be passing by super fast, and I'm just standing still, or I'm just moving slowly.

I am having a meeting tomorrow with someone and I might ask for her advice, because I just don't really know how to handle this anymore.  I've been exhausted at the end of semesters before, but I don't think I've sincerely been this bad.