My first day back was not nearly as productive as it should have been.  Really, I should have been able to finish all my grading today but I just didn't want to read any of those papers.  And then I didn't want to do anything else.  I was productive in the sense that I somewhat cleaned the kitchen and I got some parts of my Christmas gift for my sister and started thinking about who else to get for and what they might like and all that stuff.  I'm probably going to go with a bunch of art and other nerdy as fuck things because all that is way more fun than anything else.

I have my session with Nancy tomorrow, which is good.  Despite having a decent vacation overall, I still am kind of in this weird mood.  Chalk it up to my cynicism and then my thinking about stupid past shit when I really should not be thinking about that.

After concert, my friend brought up the ex, and I just got kind of angry.  Not at her, not at all.  More just that...well, he was mentioned and that brings up memories which brings up feels and all that stuff.  I ended up going on this slight rant to her about how I compare my life to his and it makes me mad because he gets to be all happy and have a girlfriend who loves him and is probably awesome whereas I am depressed most of the time and even mustering up any type of emotion to think about a serious relationship is impossible, really (though that is probably a function both of my depression and grad school and where I live).  The only one that I have been having some kind of feelings towards has been Friend S, who is in a relationship and isn't exactly living in the next town over.  (And even those feelings are subdued; partially in an attempt to protect myself and also because well...I've never been great in that department, and even less so recently.)

Bah, I don't know.  I've just been very confused and angry lately.  ...Though I suppose that isn't too different from normal circumstances.