Except it wasn't entirely a joke.
Maybe sociopath is too narrow a description for the people I am...allured to. Usually, I find myself attracted to people with some sort of deep issue. Issues that they mask with an egotistical face that I almost immediately can see behind. People with family issues, emotional instability...I find myself drawn to them, almost unbeknownst to myself at the time.
Perhaps the reason I find more intimate company with these types of people because they remind me that I'm not alone. That I'm not the only one with problems, and in fact, that there are people who are even worse than myself. I know that sounds selfish...it is not really meant to. Maybe it is more this idea inside me that if I can focus on another person's problems, I will be able to forget my own. Though when I did that with the ex, that probably worked against me, and just made things worse. This idea that maybe I can help them...potentially comes from the fact that I find it extremely difficult and sometimes impossible to help myself.
I lament over this idea that everyone I can potentially love will inevitably leave me, yet I seem most attracted to those people who most likely would, given their emotional and mental states.
In reality, that probably makes me the most unstable and fucked up person of anyone that crosses my path.
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