Having to sit in workshops (which were really just meetings to figure out the semester's schedule for presentations, in which I signed up for one for the World and one for the American/Comparative) and listen to former friend-guy talk loudly with his cohortmates and seem happy and like nothing was bothering him...kind of sucked.  And by kind of sucked, I mean it was fucking horrible.

And so, when I could not try and use music to drown him out, I had to listen and I'm realizing more and more than having to TA his class is going to not be fun for some time.

Of course, I'll do it.  I have an obligation, after all.

I did, though, see Nancy even though I did not have an appointment.  I told her about what happened, and how I kept thinking how idiotic I am, and she told me that none of this is my fault; how was I supposed to know he would do something like this to me?   Similar to what happened with my ex...I put trust in someone, and I was betrayed.  But I couldn't have known something like this was going to happen.

Still though, I just felt...like some part of me should have expected something like this to happen.

We did also talk about how I find this weird trait attractive in people, and that I will become more and more aware of it and can start maybe avoiding that, since it is obviously not good for me.  I did tell her I would take some time to just take care of myself, though I know that sometimes that is less possible than I would think.  Like...I didn't eat until I came home and after I walked Callie, so around...5 or so.  And this is the third day where that has happened.

I told her about how I just have no trust in anyone anymore, and how I just want to go home.

She said that my reaction is not surprising at all, given what has happened any time I've tried to get closer to someone.

I was going to do work, but maybe I'll just relax tonight.  I don't know.