A somewhat inappropriate conversation happened last night between friend and I, and I probably should have stopped it but I was...enjoying it.  I should have realized he was drinking, of course.  I didn't know it at the time until the very last text.  Though things are back to the status quo as of this morning, and for some reason I am a little bummed about that.  Despite this tension between us, it seems like we are destined to just be where we are now?  I don't know.  I can't really tell.  He is...difficult to read.

We keep talking about lazing around together and just watching marathons and eating a bunch of snacks and playing around in the snow and going under blankets to escape the cold and doing this study where he lifts me or something.  I just...keep wavering.  Am I getting too close?  This friend is the one who told me he could not have anything back in the summer, and I was bummed about that for a bit, but not for very long, because the ex was still at the forefront of my mind.

But some of this talk seems nothing more than friendly, and other times it seems like there might be something more.  And...I don't know.  Feels have kind of started?  At least, as much as feels can, at this rate.  I'm still very much emotionless and do not feel a lot of...extremes.  At least not anymore.  Hell even if I looked at stuff from the ex or anything doesn't even rouse much in me anymore (which would be good if other things did bring me a lot of joy or excitement or anger or anything like that).

Which is why, again, I've been completely okay with hermithood over this vacation.

When I skyped with roommate yesterday, we did not talk about serious things, because I said I did not want to, but I think he was concerned about my nonchalance over not seeing anyone outside of my family for almost the entire vacation.  And it isn't as though I'm actively hanging out with them either.  I'm usually playing on my DS or something.

I did enjoy a nice hour-long walk and then some running around in the backyard with Callie.  The walks don't seem as long when I have my headphones on.

Speaking of headphones/music...I really need to get on listening to more bands.  I've just been away from my computer most of the time, actually.