I really wish I had pictures of this but I went outside with Callie an my sister today and played in the snow and it was absolutely fantastic.  Like...I actually had a really fun time.  It wasn't forced.  It wasn't faked.  It was real.  Completely real.  And that fun helped me feel a happiness I find myself lacking most of the time I am awake.

So, essentially, a good day.

I donned on snowpants and boots and a heavy coat and my dad's ski gloves and just ran around with my sister and my pup and we just had an awesome time.  Callie and I wrestled in the snow, and despite getting snow down my shirt, it was fantastic.  She did drag me around a bit, but that is more than okay.  And then we kept throwing snow on her and she kept running around and trying to catch any clumps of it she could.

Then...the rest of the day was spent with Fire Emblem.  It is still too much fun for its own good, though I get frustrated because I picked classic mode, which is where when a unit dies, they die for good, and I'm very...obsessed with keeping everyone alive.  So if I fuck up somewhere, and someone loses all his/her HP, I end up having to restart the whole level and it just gets a bit tedious.  But it is worth it because I just want everyone to live and know their endings and stuff.

I feel as though I should write another serious post soon...even though I shouldn't worry since those happen all the time.  Part of me thinks I ought to be concerned about this constant pushing away from friends and isolating myself and stuff...I have only been keeping in contact really with one of them.  And that is completely my fault.  It really is.  Really, I don't deserve any of them, because this is how I am.  I'm so afraid of losing them that I'm letting go of them myself, slowly.

The bad thing is that I honestly do not feel anything towards that train of thought.  No worry.  No sadness.  Not necessarily relief or anything either.  It is just kind of...there.  As though it is a fact unworthy of any emotional reaction.

Eh.