So I was really not feeling well both physically and emotionally all day...which ended up causing me to stay in my bed in my room watching Archer/sleeping/playing FE until around five, when I got hungry enough to go down and eat some grilled cheese sandwiches.  And then I ate some cookies because I am a sucker for those, despite telling friend I would try to eat some veggies and protein.  I just didn't have the energy to get something that would fulfill either of those requirements.  Even though I know eating crap and not a lot probably aids with my feeling sad rather than helping it at all.

I did say I would also try to at least stretch or something.  Like...mini yoga.  Or something.  I don't know.

Tomorrow I need to do to the dentist to pick up the nightguard they made for me, which they said might help with my jaw (TMJ woo).  And then haircut and I need to refill my meds and send a package to Wisconsin.

Saturday I'm heading back to Binghamton and while I know I don't want to go back, I also don't want to stay here anymore?  Again, it is that whole staying in on place for too long.  I kind of just want to take Callie and run off somewhere.

The fact that I remain in existence kind of is a mystery to me.  I don't know.  Definitely how I have friends and people who claim to care about me is mind-boggling.  Mostly because this is how I am.  I just kind of go through motions every day.  Or almost every day.  And I know I ought to be taking steps to change that but it is just...really difficult to start.  It really really is.  I've been saying for months now: I'll go to the gym, I'll work on my own papers for publication, I'll start running again, I'll get Callie into agility, I'll eat healthier/start actually cooking, I'll reconnect with friends, I'll hang out with friends, I'll be more social, I'll manage my time better, I'll get into kickboxing, etc., etc.  It is kind of pathetic, really.  It isn't the procrastination that I would do on some assignment or something simply because I didn't feel like doing it at that moment.  I honestly tell myself I will do it, but then the next day shows up and I found that I wasted my day watching shows I've already seen a hundred times, playing games that I could leave for another time, and just wasting away in my bed or on the couch.

I yell at myself for not doing things, and then I get discouraged from doing them, which in turn makes me angrier at myself.  Heh.  A vicious cycle.