I don't really know what it was about today, but I was correct in saying before that getting out of bed and showering was a huge accomplishment in my mind, because I legitimately did not want to do pretty much anything and just felt drained and sad all day.  I did forget to take my meds for the past two days...could that have something to do with it maybe?  I'm honestly not sure how the chemistry behind all that works...I know I probably should learn about it, since I'm taking the pills and all, but I really don't care enough to or anything.

So, since I said I would talk about this...friend and I had a big long conversation last night about how we both have feels for each other but are hesitant to do anything - despite both kind of wanting to - for various reasons.  On my end, I'm still scared of being that close and intimate with someone on an emotional level, due to the fear of them leaving and me breaking apart all over again.  Plus I feel bad trying to do anything when I can't even muster up real genuine emotions most of the time I am awake.  I mean...he knows all this, and for some reason still claims to like me.  I honestly have no fucking idea why.  I'm a mess and a fuck-up and all.

On his end...well he has had numerous bad relationships in the past where people have done bad things to him and so he is afraid of that having an effect on how he would be with me, it seems.  And he seems to already think it would end at some point (yeah, before it even starts), due to him doing something stupid, I guess.

Plus, there's the whole 'me being his TA next semester' thing which has us kind of wondering if anything is even possible.

Some days I feel like I want something, and other times - like today - I really just don't want to do anything or be near anyone other than family (and even that is kind of ehhh).  Plus there was something he said that I side-eyed at, even though I know it was innocent and all.  So I won't write about it, since I'm probably thinking about it too much.

Despite my sad today, I did take Callie out for an hour-long walk because it was really nice and I took my headphones and stuff.  I haven't been listening to music as much on this vacation because I've been so glued to my DS, so it was really nice.  I love that I said I would try new bands over this vacation and I didn't even fucking do that.

At least Archer tonight was sweet.