So today (after a long walk with Callie which involved me exploring more of my neighbourhood and thus getting lost) when I was shopping at Target, I saw a package with two 'petite' sirloin steaks. I got incredibly excited, because I was always saying that a big reason I wouldn't buy steak is because it would be too big for me to cook and eat and that I would need to have people around to share it with and all.
I texted friend-guy asking if he knew how to cook steak, since truthfully, I don't really know how or anything. I'm not very good about cooking, as everyone knows, so I tend to be derpy when trying to make things that - although I like - I have not personally made before. So we said that he would come get me and bring me over to his place so he could show me and we could nom dinner together and play some D3.
While he was cooking, he was also dealing with some bullshit from his flatmates, and so he was kind of frustrated. Not with me, but I started to misinterpret his replies to my attempts at humour as...not understanding my humour. I tend to make weird jokes or pretend I'm mad (in a goofy way, so I'm obviously joking) and stuff, and I'm used to getting that in return. He sometimes responds almost as if he doesn't get that I'm pretending (even though he knows I am), and it sometimes seemed almost...curt? Maybe abrupt or blunt is a better way to put it. Of course, I started thinking and worrying: 'was he lying about saying that he had feelings for me? Or would it even work? He doesn't seem to have the same sense of humour I do or recognize my sense of humour, like ex did.' And once "like ex did" started, I kind of felt defeated. I didn't want to fall into that trap. Of thinking about the ex and how these two were different, and fearing, once again, that the ex was it for me.
I tried to lighten the mood as we ate, though the confrontation with his flatemates took him out into the hall for some time, and I actually tried to block their conversation out after I was listening for a bit. He texted me during it though, just saying 'sorry,' which felt nice, yet I also felt bad for him. No wonder he wasn't in a great mood: I understand completely what it is like to have shitty roommates and how terribly frustrating that could be especially when this is an issue which has been repeatedly brought up.
Then, though, we sat around and watched some small things while waiting for D3 to finish updating for me. And that seemed to put him in a slightly better mood. We started playing around with his squishables and little minions and were going back and forth with those and it was fun and childish and stuff. Then, when D3 started, he was patient with me even though I hadn't played it in two years.
I couldn't help but again compare him, this time in a better way: the last time I was invited to play an RPG co-op was D2 with the ex. I had gotten all excited, because I was excited to play something with him, which we hadn't done in a while, and it wasn't too long after our breakup. Him telling m that he couldn't wait to play with me got me hopeful and happy and I was looking forward to it since he had first suggested the idea. We had bonded over playing a video game co-op (DK Country Returns on Wii, woo) when we were first starting out, and I hadn't really played a game with him in a long while (Ms. Splosion Man was fun), and we always seemed to have a good time and feel close when we were playing together. I always felt like an outsider when he played fighting games, so an RPG brought the opportunity for me to play with him. So I was, I suppose, hoping that a game could rekindle our relationship. And he wanted to play with me too. So much so that he reminded me of that.
But then, when I brought it up after he finished single-player, he nonchalantly said that he was done with that game, and that kind of hit me hard. He was not, despite what he said, excited to play with me. He didn't want to. I got my hopes up, and he - once again - tore them down and to pieces. Then, when I let him know that I was upset and angry that he made me think we would play together, he pretty much blamed me for feeling that way, because how was he supposed to know that I would "develop feelings for playing a game with him." Reading that hurt so much. Because it did mean something to me. It did not mean anything to him. Even though he made me think otherwise. He lied. Again.
However, friend-guy told me how much he was excited to play with me, and that remained true even after he finished his solo runthrough. He made sure I had my laptop with me, and waited for my game to update and was patient even though my lag was pretty bad because my graphics card, while not terrible, isn't very good for that game (my laptop is better for work and stuff).
And we had fun. I didn't want to stop playing. And neither did he, even though we both did because we have to get up early for class tomorrow.
That felt nice. That I was wanted, even if it was just to play co-op mode in Diablo.
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