I really ought to get my hair cut tomorrow.  I keep telling myself that I want to do something dramatically different with it, specifically I've been thinking about the shaved-side look, like what Natalie Dormer has now.  It just looks awesome and shit; my sister said she thought that style would look awesome on me.  But I'm not sure, and I'm not one to make huge differences like that without very serious thought first.  Hell, I haven't even gotten the tattoo that I want because I still am scared - I suppose - of doing something like that, which would be different.

I don't know why I'm so afraid of doing things I want that are different; I'm still afraid of doing something that would garner someone's disapproval.  Really, I should add an asterisk to that: I am talking right now about family, mostly.  Parents.  I get really disheartened when I do something spontaneous that they do not like.


Still haven't gotten a response from best friend, so I am thinking that she thinks it is a terrible terrible idea.  I do not blame her for that at all.  It very well might be.  And I'm still just getting opinions.

Her silence is making me rethink some things though?  I don't know.  I'll be able to talk to Nancy on Tuesday.


I'm getting disheartened with the idea that my coding is not going very quickly.  I actually said to my mother that I was afraid of my prof regretting putting me on the project.  Although she replied that he would never ever ever regret doing that, I still wasn't sure.  I feel as though I have not been very productive, even when I'm coding for hours.  My meticulousness is hindering me a lot, since I probably spend way too much time trying to figure out the exact details.

Also I am returning to Binghamton on Monday and I'm not exactly excited about that.  But maybe I can start doing things other than sitting around.  Maybe I can go to Syracuse, or Ithaca, or Pennsylvania.  Or somewhere else, maybe.


...I'm not feeling too good tonight, for some reason.  

I don't know if it is because of the thing and lack of response, or idea of going back already, or worrying about coding, or what.  But I just don't feel well; I have some sad.