Alright, I said I would post a real thing so yeah.

Today was fun, and it basically involved Callie and I hanging out all day and running around through woods and stuff.  We started out at the park around 12:30 and then went with a guy I met who helped me with my car in the winter and stuff to a property of his which has a nice natural spring for our pups to swim in.  It was a nice hike to get there, and then the pond was gorgeous.  It was good for Callie to swim, because it was a hot day and she loved it.  I did let her off leash and she did a great job coming back to me whenever I called her!  Honestly I was a little nervous, but I was also able to have her walk off-leash the entire way back to the car.  It was awesome, and I was very proud of her.  She was very tired the rest of the day.

(Side note: I'm currently in a facebook war over gun control because some idiots don't know how to use nonbiased statistics and one person brought up abortion for some reason and that made me fucking livid, so I jumped in and then when I called people out for not having stats, they gave me all these pro-gun sites while I'm sitting here giving them stats from the UN, the FBI, and the Home Office of the UK.  So joy.  I really don't know why I get involved sometimes.)

However, on our way back, the guy I was with started asking me about dating and stuff, and while I said that I was not dating anyone, I also brought up some of my issues in that area due to the fact that I was afraid of where this conversation would go.  So I brought up that for the longest time, I did not really feel anything romantically for anyone, no matter how close I got to them.  The deep emotional romantic connection did not happen for me until I met a guy at CONA - which only lasted a week, sadly, but it was the most intense feeling I ever had for someone up until that point - and then again with the ex.  Other than those two times, it just has not been there, and it has remained that way.

He did say that he thought I was gorgeous the first time he saw me, and I started getting flustered because that is how I am and I do not know how to act when people start saying things like that.  Also because I have conditioned myself to be polite until I get out of the situation, just in case shit goes wrong.  (But I do legitimately get very fhdksfhds no matter who it is or anything.  I'm fucking weird.)  I was trying to continue to bring up that I rarely felt truly romantically interested in people, which is true and also was me trying to highlight that shit probably was not going to go down or anything, basically.  Because sorry dude, while you are very nice and helpful, we don't really really know each other that well, and I know way more about you than vice-versa.  I'm cool being friends if you want.  Though of course, I did not express this outright in person because I was being me and being stupid and nervous and flustered and not knowing exactly what would happen if I said that explicitly.  Though I probably should have because he then kissed me wen we got back to our cars and I kind of froze before pulling away and then I got really fucking awkward and weird and I kind of wish that shit did not happen.  (Especially considering when I was talking to friend yesterday at dinner, I was telling him that I might be getting to a point where I'm okay with being single again.  Which is...nice.  Though honestly some days it is truer than others.  Certainly when I am less stressed I do not long for another person for comfort and all that.)  

But luckily, I did express my desire to be platonic only later when I recollected myself and had the safety of a text message.  Which might be cowardly, but it isn't like he was my boyfriend or anything and I was breaking up with him.  That would have warranted a face-to-face confrontation.  But this I do not feel guilty about texting.

And then the rest of the night I just chilled with the parents and stuff and then watched Game of Thrones where afterwards I wanted to sob and sob and sob because shit is not cool and I am angry and I want to hug all my faves who are still alive and try and save them from harm and death.  But GRRM is a serial killer when it comes to his characters, and so none are safe.  None.