Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Had a dream about ex. 

I don't remember a whole lot of details, but I do remember being in a glass room while he was on the other side with his girlfriend and I kept screaming at him and he kept telling her I was crazy and insane.  Every time I tried to talk to him, he would promise me that we would - later - but never actually followed through on that when I wanted it.  I kept getting angrier and angrier and his girlfriend seemed disturbed by me, clinging onto him almost as if to protect him.  To her, he was the victim, and I was a big bully.  I kept shouting that he never let me say my piece and that he was a coward for running from it and from me.  He kept saying that we had already talked about this stuff, but I kept calling him a liar because we never spoke about this in person, which is what I wanted to do.  

I became obsessive, following him and his girlfriend out of spite, but never sneakily.  They always knew I was behind them, telling him that he promised he would listen to me, even if what I wanted to do was yell at him for the things he did to me.  At one point I couldn't tell if the girlfriend thought I was deranged or if there was truth to what I was saying. 

Shouting, I told him that he could deny everything, but that wouldn't take away the truth that I now saw.  That he could convince himself that he did everything he could and that he is a good person and all that, but deep down he knows he is a lying bastard with no heart who just uses people and sucks all the life out of them before moving on to the next woman he convinces to love him. 

I would not allow people to not hear this.  I was determined.  This was all after the glass room, and I'm not completely sure how I got out.  But my rage and anger kept carrying me on, despite that I knew I was getting stares and people were whispering.  People were also looking judgmentally at him, which only fueled me.  

He was trying desperately to get away from me, but I kept up with him, saying that he could run all he wants, but he wouldn't be able to escape the truths he knew I was speaking.  

I don't remember much else, but I think there was a point where I was talking one-on-one with his girlfriend, telling her that she should save herself a fuck ton of heartache and dump him now.  That while he might seem wonderful and loving right now, that shit will fade and he will return to the pattern he always followed. 


I have no idea if this is my brain telling me if I should or should not do the thing.

No comments:

Post a Comment