I started reading articles and stuff online about street harassment and how it is an epidemic that women face and how it surrounds this culture of male entitlement. That it reflects men who believe that they are entitled to a woman's attention and body because she is an object, not a person, to them. And of course, the comments to all of these included guys who were whining about things being exaggerated or that the author was a feminazi who just wanted to stop guys from talking to and meeting women or that they don't know anyone who would (and that they themselves never would) do that so it must not be a big problem.
And in reading all those, I started thinking about all the times I was harassed (street or otherwise) or that a guy felt that I owed him something because of something I previously did. I'm going to record some of the ones I remember (with deets, so this is probs gonna be a long entry), and I'm positive that I am missing more than a few:
- During my sophomore year of high school, I went to a pasta party with the school soccer team. I wasn't very popular with them for various reasons, and my protest to the scavenger hunt they wanted to go on (because I thought it was wrong since it basically involved stealing from people in the neighbourhood) was met with eye rolls and peer pressure. I reluctantly tagged along, but after a bit, I got separated from them, and I imagine they didn't notice or didn't care. In an area I didn't know very well, I tried to remember the way back to the house. I then noticed someone following me, and as my pace quickened, so did his. I kept my cool for a bit until I turned a corner and got out of his eye for a second. Then I sprinted away, remembering the way back probably out of fear and necessity, not looking back to see if I was still being followed.
- When I was sixteen, I was walking with my friend down the road, and some guy who must have been in his 40s or 50s pulled up next to us in his red sports car and told me how beautiful I looked. I didn't know how to respond, so I just said thanks and kept walking. He then asked if he could buy me a drink, and responded that "he didn't care" when I told him I was only 16. I had to say no thank you more than a few times before he finally left.
- While working at the library, there would often be people hanging around outside, and I was stopped more than a few times with guys asking me for my number and saying how pretty I looked. Often I put on a polite smile, even though I was scared and furious, and either told them that I: a) didn't give my number out, or b) that I was already in a relationship (a lie which was always risky because I am a shit liar).
- One time during a summer, my oldest sister and I went to the grocery store at night to get some ice cream (I think it was ice cream...). We both were wearing mesh shorts, and she had a t-shirt while I had a tank top on. On the way in, there were some boys who kept their eyes glued on us and were whispering about us being lesbians. Now, I didn't care about the mischaracterization, so I ignored it while going in. When we came out, they started shouting at us that we should give them a show and that we were hot and stuff like that. Dee tried ignoring it, but I exploded and started screaming at them, telling them to go fuck themselves and that they were disgusting and they should stop. They didn't. They just laughed and kept going and threatened me. I got in the car to be safe, but my sister needed to actively tell me to not run them over, because I sincerely was thinking about it.
- While I worked at Skechers, I would encounter countless men (most of them middle-aged) who would call me "sweetie" or "hun" or "babe," and would constantly proposition me and ask if they could take me out and if they could buy me a drink. I couldn't respond meanly, as it would've hurt my job. So I always was polite even though I wanted to just get away.
- At the end of sophomore year, I went to a party in Musser. My roommate and I had gotten drunk as hell, and were having a good time. A good-looking guy was coming on to both of us, but roommate (who was less drunk than I was, so she had better sense than I did) told him he couldn't go for both of us. He asked her why and said that he "wanted both." So he then focused on me, who was super close to passing out. But then he dragged me into the bathroom and started making out with me. I reciprocated, but then he pulled his dick out and I was very alarmed and started just telling him no because I was a virgin at the time and didn't want to. He responded to all of my protests that he "didn't care." Roommate had to barge in and grab me to save me. When she did, the guy was yelling at her and me as we left to go back to our room.
- While abroad in London, I was going for a run down a very crowded street. A girl with group of teenagers (which was comprised of both girls and boys) slapped my ass as I passed, and I stopped and turned around, shocked. They were all laughing and she told me that I had a great ass and that she was a lesbian and just had to touch it. Since they started surrounding me, I tried to take a polite, almost friendly approach, despite that I was actually really scared and I knew that it wouldn't help that I was an American visiting for school. I didn't even have my phone to threaten to call the cops. But in surrounding me, they slapped my ass a few more times, until I finally told them to stop, after which they got in my face. I then calmed down and just said something like "I have to go." No one helped me, and I practically sprinted back to my dorm, and I didn't even get there before I started crying.
- When I went to homecoming in 2012 (...I think it was homecoming, anyway), I was super depressed because of stuff with the ex, and I had planned on trying to pick up a certain guy who was a senior and was always really nice to me and who was also in ex's frat. Being sad and wanting courage, I just kept drinking. A sophomore who wanted to pledge started hitting on me, but I really was trying to get away so I could talk to senior guy. Sophomore wouldn't let me. Physically; he kept putting himself in between us, and if I got too far away, he would grab my arm or my hand or something. Later, feeling nauseous and really fucking sad and thinking only about the ex and how much, in that moment, I wanted him to be with me, I sat down in the hallway and just stared at the wall like a zombie. And that is what I was. Drunk and sad and zombielike. Sophomore sat next to me and kept pulling me towards him and kept putting his hand on my leg and his arm around me and made me lean my head against his. Being the zombie I felt like, I just kind of went with it, even though I obviously was in no state to do anything. College roommate caught this and started yelling at him, telling him that he needed to stop, because I obviously wasn't feeling well and that I didn't want this and he was taking advantage of me. She rescued me again when she helped me up and brought me somewhere else after sophomore kept insisting that I was fine with everything.
- Often, I go to concerts on my own. So, it has become normal for me to expect at least one guy to hit on me after he realizes that I am by myself. And that they (and others) will take advantage of the moshing and the crowd to intentionally grab my ass or chest or something else. I find that I give numbers out to these guys a lot mostly because I am afraid of the possible retaliation if I said no. And then I just ignore their texts when they start messaging me.
Again, these are just some instances I've experienced. And I know that plenty of other women have experienced much worse. So, this idea among more than a few men that street harassment is not a big deal should think twice and really listen to women's stories instead of getting all butthurt over their oh so precious feels.
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