I'm in a hotel room in Syracuse because I decided to go with friend for one night and it was a lot of fun.  We went to the mall here, which is so huge and has a ropes course and go karts inside and it is insane.  The time we got there was too late to do things like that, but it was still really cool to look at and everything.  Might need to come back for a weekend or so and do stuff.  It isn't like Syracuse is that far...I always thought it was two hours away when really it is more an hour and fifteen.  

Being with her has been awesome and fun for the most part, though she has been sad over a guy and I always have my issues which never seem to go away.  We were talking about things and I started rambling about ex and former friend-guy and she was discussing her stuff with her dude and it kind of sucked but at the same time was really good because I really don't feel too comfortable talking about these things with the roommates for some reason.  Maybe it is just because they are guys or maybe it is something deeper than that, where I trust best friend much more than I do them (which isn't their fault, it is more a product of time and tests that she and I have conquered and all).  

But something I said really has hit me in a weird way.  I was just rambling on about the ex and other people and I kind of blurted out that what I really want is "to be in love again."  And that was weird to me because I never really thought of that being a strong desire of mine.  Yes it would be nice, but is it really absolutely needed?  Then again, I guess when I was thinking about it, the unconditional trust, the strong connection...those both happened when I was in love with someone, and those are things I want back in my life.  Unfortunately, it will be a while for that to occur, and even one or both of those individually without love is not exactly easy for me.  

Meh, I don't know.  It was a weird thing to realize.  And then I was thinking about it and when I started listing off characteristics I would like in a person, I realized I was listing off things about the ex that I especially felt in the beginning and I stopped and got kind of sad.  

Bah.  Emotions are dumb.  (Then again, no emotions also kind of sucks so ha, can't exactly get a good balance between those.  Boo.)