So tonight was the first ever annual karaoke/dance party that the department was throwing, and to be quite honest, I was dreading it.  I didn't really want to go at all but the roommates dragged me out.  I figured I would leave early or something and only stay as long as I needed to.

We pretty much took over a club, which was easy because it is Tuesday and all.  And at first...yeah, it was kind of awful.  I still didn't want to be there and one of the roommates started saying about how this could be a good night and we should "try to have fun" even if we "didn't really want" to be there and stuff like that.  I knew those comments were aimed towards me, most likely, and it made things even worse.  Because I hate that whole...almost fake optimism thing.  And maybe it wasn't fake, but I just hate when people are telling me to have a good time when I clearly just want to be left alone for a bit or need to warm up or something.

Former friend-guy was there and he started talking to me; he seemed to have many stories to share and all, and while I was kind of stand-offish at first, I relaxed a bit more.  I don't know why, but he does that to me at times.  The dynamic between us is really fucking strange.  So I was slowly warming up.  But then roommate randomly came over to me while I was talking to him and told me that I should "go socialize."  I was confused and told him that I was socializing, and I just wanted to sit at the bar for the time being.

Both roommates also kept telling me to sing even though I kept repeating that I didn't want to.  And I was thinking about it on my walk home...I wish they would have just accepted my no at the time.  I don't like feeling pressured into doing things.  Meh.

Anyway, I was warming up because I started dancing as a 'back-up' to some people who were singing, and then just staying on the dance floor and doing silly things (shopping cart, sprinkler...you know, all the boss dance moves).  As more people jumped in I got more comfortable, and I think it was the best when one of my favourite professors came on the dance floor and started also.  So friend-guy was on one side of me, and prof on the other and it was glorious.  Despite the fact that no ska was playing and it was club music, I started skanking because it is a fun fucking dance and I wanted to at least feel somewhat more comfortable, and once I decided to do that it was kind of all over.  I was doing that for a while, even as people left the dance floor.  (Truthfully, I'm not sure if I skank correctly, mostly because I have just gone off what I have seen from people at concerts and stuff.  But whatever, it is fun for me so I don't really care all that much.)

So basically, I ended the night feeling alright and good after actually having fun for once.

But one roommate seemed weird, especially towards me.  Like he was angry with me for some reason.  I don't know if he really was or if I am reading too much into it, but this seems to happen if I ever talk to friend-guy.  I understand being angry with him (hell, I still am; I just can't afford to act out on that as much as I might want to and all) and all, but don't get pissed off with me because I chose to talk to him more tonight than I have probably since he did that bad thing.  Honestly, I'm unsure if it was disappointment or jealousy (because also, sometimes I feel as though if my attention isn't on roommate, then he gets mad with me or sad or something, like I've abandoned him), but either way I just got really fucking annoyed.  And I was thinking that maybe it was in my head but when we got home he only took Murray out and didn't also take Callie.  And yes, he is under zero obligation to do so, since she is my pup; that was not what bothered me at all.  It was just out of character, and to me screamed that he was annoyed or upset with me.

Bah, I dunno.  It just gets frustrating.


Also, I heard a few times tonight "oh my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife" is mad/going to be mad because I'm staying out so late, and that just really fucking puzzles me.  Was I a weird girlfriend for being pretty okay with the ex doing all the things he wanted to do, no matter how late he stayed up or how much time he invested in it and everything?  Was I the fucking strange person for having that sort of outlook on my relationship?

I just don't understand people sometimes.  A lot of times.