The remainder of last night was not really fun.

After I calmed down and got changed out of my soaking clothes, roommate made me cookies and we sat down and watched Kill la Kill some more.  I was getting a bit better until I saw an email from my dad to myself and my three sisters.  Apparently three of the four of us forgot to call on my parents' anniversary and they were sad/disappointed.  Honestly, I really did forget, mostly because the days have been blending together and I often don't know what the date is.  Hell, until yesterday when I saw that, I didn't even realize it was October.  I kept thinking it was September still.  Maybe it was my  mind's way of trying to cope with the fact that my paper for comps is due in the middle of October, I don't know.

But anyway, after seeing that, I go into panic mode again, and decide to call my parents.  At first I wanted to say something calm and stuff and be all "I'm sorry; things haven't been good and I didn't even realize it was October, honestly."  But when my mother answered the phone I just started crying and sobbing and telling her I was really sorry I forgot and that I am terrible and I've just had a bad few weeks and that I'm really sad and I don't know what to do.  I tried relaying the story about what happened earlier in the evening, and tried explaining how stressed I've been.  She tried calming me down, and said that I can call more and seemed sad when I said that I didn't want to bother them.  That I felt like I would and stuff.

We talked about some school stuff and then she asked about my medication; I've run out on one and am low on the other, meaning I've been taking it sparingly.  That probably is a big part of the reason I'm so fucked up right now; I am not supposed to just quit those all at once, and it is probably messing with my head.  Which doesn't need messing with even more.

So I need to do that.  Gotta make appointment today to hopefully go in tomorrow or something...

And then I talked with my dad about the same stuff, and then he brought up the email, which just made me cry more because I felt horrible and like a terrible person and a terrible daughter and stuff.  And I kept saying I was sorry and I didn't mean to and all.  He said that he never would have sent it to us if this was going to be my reaction, that he was sorry because he didn't realize what was going on with me and everything.

We talked about some other stuff to calm me down, but I still felt weird after.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm just in that state of feeling weird and shit won't stop it except maybe a refill on meds.

There is a possibility that I will go down to the island or they will come here this weekend.  And I'm debating letting them take Callie for a little bit.  I'm not sure if that would be a good idea though; she is my best friend and a good stress reliever, but I wouldn't have to do stuff with her (though again, that could be a stress reliever), and I feel like she's been cooped up due to my workload lately.  Maybe being with my parents will give her room to run and play and stuff.


...I need to go get the new Smash soon.