This year's Christmas eve was spent playing with pups, sleeping in late, watching Lincoln, going to Friendly's with my mom and younger sister, running around for last minute gifts, getting packages from Amazon (but of course the one I really wanted by today hasn't shown up), starting Orange is the New Black with the family, and then wrapping up the rest of doggie presents and filling out cards at the last minute.

Really, I do like this lack of travelling for the holidays.  It makes things calmer.  Easier.  More laid-back.  And I very much enjoy that when I can have it.

I feel more at peace this year at this time than I did last year.  Though I know that this is temporary, and is most likely a result of upped dosage of medication (have gone up to 200 mg), it is nice right now.  Of course I have thoughts of him and what he is doing and his holiday and stuff, and remembering days past, but...I'm just contemplative.  Maybe it is just the season.  I'm not sure.

Despite all that, though, I have not been sleeping well still.  Which is why I've continued to be tired even though I have nothing to do at the moment (well...technically I do, since I should start rereading stuff for the methods class I'm TAing next semester and I really do need to turn some of these papers into something worth putting forth for publishing, but I am taking at least a week for myself to do nothing).  He still permeates my nights, though there are times where I do not remember exactly what happened...I just wake up and he is in my head, so I know that whatever went on in my brain why I was asleep...he was there.

He always seems to be there during the night.  Even when I don't think of him as much during the day.

Anyway...again, this is more contemplative.  I'm bordering on calling it emotionless, but I don't think that is it.  It is a peaceful feeling.  Not really particularly happy or sad or angry, just...thoughtful.  The emptiness that I experience when I feel nothing is not here right now.  Which is good.

I'm sure I'll say this again, but, since it is technically the 25th...Merry Christmas.