Grading these papers is not getting any easier and I am just still so tired and everything...all I want to do is sleep for an entire day, at this rate.  

For some reason, my thoughts today have been heavily focused on the past.  

I fear abandonment.  

I really do. 

And for that reason, I isolate myself.  

It might also be a reason why I do not appear to put as much effort into my friendships as I once did.  Aside from those people who see me every day, I do not really talk to many people anymore.  My friends who are far away are still very dear to me, and always will, but the cynical part of me asks why I should try so hard again.  

The last time I tried my hardest to preserve something...I found myself alone.  And not only alone, but betrayed.  

I was rewarded for all my efforts with that. 

So the cynical part of me just asks what is the point.  

The part of me which is trying to fight my old way of thinking counters that not everyone is like him.  

It is a constant battle.  

...I guess work distracted me throughout the week from these thoughts.  Now that work I actually care about is done for the time being...mind is back to old stuff.