I am so unbelievably tired and mentally exhausted that I just cannot think of anywhere to go with this idea for this IR paper.  Which is incredibly frustrating, since it is something I am kind of really interested in.  I just have no idea how to measure what I need to measure and I have no idea what to do for this fucking idea.

Really, at this rate I am close to giving up and just doing something related more to just Congress and not Congress and the President and not having to do with foreign policy.

I'm just really sad also, to the point where I do not want to be around anyone, either.  Roommate keeps asking me if I want to talk, and honestly I just don't.  I really want to be alone and just lay down in my bed and do nothing and just kind of wallow, but I fucking can't.  I can't afford to do that right now.

Maybe I should not be doing this.  Getting the whole PhD thing, I mean.  I never come up with good ideas, and when I do, I have no idea how to measure things and I have no idea where to go or what to do.  I have no idea what I want to do in terms of a dissertation, and I can't even adequately answer a question about my fucking interests when giving a workshop presentation.

Bah.  I don't know.  I suck at everything, really.  I'm good at schoolwork, I guess, but once it comes to doing my own original shit, I fall apart.


I don't know why I keep trying, really.