We just had discussions about shit to do around the house less than a week ago and already shit is not getting done and being ignored and I want to scream at everyone.

And I still do not feel as though I did well in my first discussion sections.  I don't know.  I felt all over the place and felt as if something was off and wrong and it just didn't feel good despite only being an intro day.  I don't know.  Maybe I am overthinking things.  Probably.  It is what I usually do.  Hopefully I'll get in the swing of things by next week and this is still due to the fact that the school year seems to have crept up on me very suddenly.  I still feel as though it is summer and my body wants me to continue relaxing.  Though an email today reminded me (again) that comps are coming up fast and I really do need to get on fixing my paper.  The problem is not that I don't know what I want to do with it, however.  It is more that every time I sit down to do something with it, I have zero creativity and feel as though I can't form coherent sentences.

Plus, I really ought to be reading more and I just don't want to.  It is difficult to find shit and the school's internet has been fucking atrocious, thus making it quite arduous to get any research done.

Ugh.

Sometimes I really do wonder why I do this, when all it does is stress me out and bring back all thoughts of self-hatred and stuff.

Before, I came across an old photo of me in London.  Unfortunately, it is probably my most iconic photo of my time over there, and I say unfortunately because it involves the ex.  We both seem so happy, and I look at myself and wonder how past me would react if I was able to tell her everything that would happen.  Probably with disbelief and anger.  Defending him and saying that nothing bad would happen because of this and that.  Past me seemed so fucking happy in that picture, and I kind of hate it.  If she saw me, I would wonder if she would think she made the right choices.  Maybe she would choose to go to London instead, backing out of the stupid promise the ex forced her into making.  But then, choosing London also forfeits Callie, who is so important to me now, and is better to and for me than so many people I have encountered.  Maybe she would stand up for herself more in her relationship, and see all the bullshit long before I ever did.  Doubtful, though, considering how stupid love makes people.

...I feel weird.