I thought being on her work campus would help me feel not sad because even though she would be working I wouldn't be alone, but I am still finding myself very lethargic and not really interested in anything.  Part of me also is blaming that on lack of caffeine today and I'm wondering if I would be better if I was able to get something like that, but there's nothing in the immediate vicinity and I don't want to venture alone.  Besides, I can't buy anything with cash here; it is all based on cards from the company and stuff.

It makes me feel unappreciative and very guilty; I know I should be more excited but I've just been very blank and stuff.  I've been trying to do some work of my own, at least, though that opens up a new can of worms of me being unable to like anything I'm writing and when that happens I go into this weird blank state where I just write things berating myself in all caps for a while on the page.  Because, you know, that is completely healthy.  (I mean, it is something I've always done...it just has gotten worse and worse over the years, and despite my attempts to become a more self-loving person, it is the default I run to.)

And I feel even worse, because we ran into some of her friends, and I tried my best to look interested but I probably came across as distant and all.  Not that I particularly care if they like me or not...it is more that I don't want best friend to think I'm not making an effort.  She's probably annoyed with me, and I wouldn't exactly blame her.

Part of me knows I should have a conversation with her about my moods and how it isn't really all caffeine-related, but she works so much and so hard and so it makes me feel awful for daring to complain about any of my stuff.