Foreign

The time where I was in love seems like it was so long ago.

It is kind of sad, when I think about it.

Especially when I see old conversations, and my reaction is just a blank stare.

And not in the "I am over this" sort of way.  Rather, it feels more foreign.  Like it never even really happened, or it happened a lifetime ago.  Conjuring up those specific strong feelings again seems like an impossibility.

Of course, the reaction to me saying that would probably run along the lines of "well you just haven't met the right person, blah, blah, blah," but I can honestly imagine meeting the perfect individual for me right now and not being able to feel anything.  I guess I'm still in that mode.

Despite getting better step by step in terms of self-love and self-compassion, my trust in people has yet to return.  While I never was one to have a lot of friends, I have remained a loner, preferring the company of my pup to most people.

Maybe I also don't trust myself to love again like that.  I got it so wrong before, and the result was terrible for me.


I'm sleepy.