Whereas during the summer, I was really relaxed and I didn't feel terrible, I've regressed back to feeling stressed and sad, wanting to do nothing and everything at the same time. The stress just seems as though it will never end, and with the stress comes stupid feels about ex and all that nonsense.
Comparing never helps, and yet it is something I find difficult to stop doing. I compare his life to my own, and get angry at him and myself for the discrepancies between them. Though it is not fair; I don't know how he actually is doing, really. I just assume based on some stuff, and it is enough to make my imagination run wild, and it just tells me over and over how I'm so pathetic that even that asshole can be happy and can find friends and love and I'm over here...sad and lonely and unable to even fake connections with other human beings when I meet them.
And I know deep down it is also jealousy. I know. I've always known that.
I promised that I would try to go out and meet people, but I feel like that is a promise I give every week and my anxiety and fear always cause me to break that.
Eh, I don't know. More later maybe.
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