Paper is coming along, but I'm still just super unhappy with it. Maybe it is just because I'm just sad and unhappy lately and some super bad thoughts have been creeping in again lately and I thought those were gone but apparently they aren't really. They're not as loud as they once were, but I had silence in that department over the summer so them being back, even softly, isn't very good.
It is probably a combination of things: me feeling like I've disappointed people with my lack of progress over the summer; me thinking about stupid relationship things and getting sad and then thinking about the ex and getting mad at myself for daring to think that I miss some stuff kinda maybe; me thinking that I'm going to suck at comps and people are going to recognize that I am shit at everything and that I can neither write nor defend anything. How the hell can I write a dissertation when I am having so much trouble just on one paper?
...I wish I could cuddle someone right now. I really could use that.
But who the fuck would ever want to deal with my shit and my baggage anyway.
I don't feel well.
My tummy hurts.
And I want to throw up.
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