I need to let go.  I really do.  I need to let go of the hurt, the anger...the feelings.  All of them.  Including the memories of happiness and love and everything, since they keep me tied, even though communication ceased months ago.  They are destroying me; my mental state shattered and my physical body (literally) keeps shrinking.  It is just so difficult to let go of everything, though, unfortunately.

Why I've been thinking about this so much recently (well...so much that I feel the need to express my thoughts here, since I think about this topic every single day, sadly enough), I don't really know.  Probably because of my suspicions, which are unfounded right now.

Even without being around, he still remains in my life, and I don't want him to.  I want him to just go away.  I find it sad that I wish I could erase him from my memory because right now that seems to be the only solution to all of this.  I've wanted to let go, and I just haven't been able to, really.

I even like someone else.  I do.  And I have a new life here in Binghamton, far away from the past memories.  In theory, anyway.  I know my path will cross his again at some point, be it at Otakon or Hallowmas, or something.  I don't want to see him, though.  Yet my inability to truly let go tells a different tale than the one I try to convince myself of.


Sometimes I wish I never met him.  I wish that a lot, actually.