Respect

I'm so over being a nice TA.

And by nice, maybe I just mean easy, I really can't tell.

For a while I guess I wanted people to like me (or at least wanted them to leave me alone), but I'm so annoyed with my classes and how little I feel like they respect me and how little I feel like they are working.  Which honestly, I wouldn't care too much about - whatever, it is your decision to not work, not mine, and it will reflect on your grade so whatever - but I have people basically thinking they should be A students when they are turning in shit (and then basically blaming me for that because they 'didn't get the right instructions' or some shit).

I guess in my depression and apathy and self-hate I just stopped caring about whether or not they respected me.  I just wanted them to leave me alone because I couldn't deal with them, so I tried to do things that pleased them in order to minimize the amount of time they would want to spend asking me questions outside of section.  And I guess I am still like that, but my anger over blatant disrespect has overcome that, maybe.

Once, I was harsh but fair, and as I've felt more and more out of control of my life and what happens, I guess I've gotten easier and easier in my sections.  Sometimes I wonder if they notice how fucking awful I usually feel, but they probably don't.  Or they do but just don't care.  Either or.

But I guess I still have time to fuck things up for them if they decide to continue this nonsense.

Especially since most of them left their papers and stuff until the last minute.

I don't know, I just feel kind of awful and I want to go home.


(Might have something discussing my session later.)