I feel as though I haven't really written much of substance lately.  I don't know if it is because nothing terrible has really happened, or more because I'm just kind of blank to the point where I don't even know what to write down.

Friend S and I are still texting pretty much every day.  I find myself wishing that he did not have a girlfriend but I'll never act on that wish or anything like that.  I suppose it is just my fantasizing or something.  He says nice things to me and helps me when I'm feeling sad and distracts me from stuff and it is nice.  I'm still trying to not have feels but I can't help but smile when he texts me good morning and stuff.  It has been a while since anyone did that, and I forgot how nice that feels.

I just need to guard myself, since I know nothing will come of it.  And I already know how shitty that feels.

One would think my my not feeling absolutely terrible would mean that I would be able to make myself work but I've been finding that to be incredibly difficult.  I don't know if I'm taking solace in the idea that I haven't found my niche (and therefore can just not do things that don't interest me), or if I've genuinely gotten so overwhelmed that I've looped around to not really caring about much.  It is odd.  I feel...okay, but in a weird way.  In a "I really couldn't give a shit if the whole world around me blew up" kind of way.  That apathetic sort of sense.

I don't know.  It is weird, honestly.  I have things to do but zero motivation to do anything.  Even the recognition that I have so many things left to complete before the end of the semester isn't enough to interest me.  Maybe I'm just really bored or something, I don't know.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.  Hopefully.