I still feel terrible and stressed but getting a call from my college roommate made things a little better.  I was able to tell her how I'm going through these crises because of school and how I'm afraid I can't handle things and when I get like that I start thinking of the past and getting bitter over discrepancies between the ex's life and my own and I'm just cynical and sad and every time I think things are getting a bit better I'm reminded that everything still fucking sucks.

She was able to help me feel a little better; she has felt similarly before, so she understands where I'm coming from.  And she said she would call me again on Friday to see how I did with my presentation and everything and check in on me again and I really do appreciate that.

And my texts with Friend S have been continuing and that also helps.  He's been so sweet to me and everything, and I'm hoping I can find a way to hang out with him soon.  Roommate did warn me to protect myself from any feels that I might get towards him from this stuff, because he is in a relationship and everything and she dealt with that in undergrad and it just wasn't good at all for her.  I think I'll be okay, because I know he is in a relationship and it isn't as though we have the opportunity to hang out all the time or anything.  But I have noticed that he has become someone I actively like texting and it doesn't feel like a chore and we just talk about our days and stuff and it is nice, and I haven't had that in a long time.  Maybe if I had the capacity to have real feelings and emotions right now I would be thinking differently.  But either way, I will protect myself as best I can.

But for now, it is really nice and helps me out a lot more than I think he even realizes.