I was able to read the article I want to use for my second review for MLE but I've yet to actually write the thing.  Honestly, I should try and do that; if I keep not doing work I'm going to regret it on Sunday when I have a ton of things to do.  Especially since Saturday is pretty much unavailable due to concert in Jersey.  Friend wants to try and meet up beforehand for noms and I am pretty sure the doors open at 7 so I should probably be there by five or six, meaning I ought to leave here by three or four the latest.

It might also be best for me to try and do it now because sisters are out of the house right now, meaning less distractions for me and everything.


I've been hung up on my post about my cynicism and everything.  It is kind of sad how true all of that really is.  Honestly I have been having trouble trying to find reasons to do much of anything; it might be one of the reasons my work ethic has just been on a downward spiral for some time now.

As per what was suggested to me, I've been trying to pay attention to anything that really excites me.  What sucks is when I find that right now...that is all fictional.  As in, I get more excited about things happening in fiction than I do about anything in real life.  When I was speaking with the professor I'm TAing for next semester, I guessed that maybe this was because I prefer those worlds to the one we live in; that it is an escape for me.  But I find it sad that I seem to get more excited about examining the politics of worlds that do not exist.  It makes things really...inconvenient, if that is the right word to use.

In addition, my...admittance about lingering feels over the ex himself rather than just the idea of him has put me back into this weird funk.  As in, I don't really want to talk to anyone, and I just am kind of sad for no particular reason and I just feel...weird, as I have described to Friend S.  And I'm angry at myself, because I should not feel this way.  Not after all this time and not after my full recognition of what he was and how terrible he acted towards me.  Maybe it is a function of the month or something?  I'm not really sure.  All I know is that it is fucking idiotic.