Now I'm thinking about all sorts of bad things.  Like what it would be like to just not feel any of these things any more.  To just do something to make everything stop.

And although these thoughts pretty much always exist in the back of my mind, sometime they are just super overpowering and I can't handle them.  And I think about that person from my undergrad whom I did not know but I still feel this weird connection with, and I wonder what caused hir to actually do what xe did rather than always just think about it...  I'd like to avoid that.  I wish I had been able to speak with hir at least once...  I do think about hir more than I should for a person who did not know hir in life.  

Also, I'm sorry if I'm using pronouns incorrectly.


Right now, I think looking at Callie is the only thing which is giving me any sort of comfort.

I think I'll take her for a walk.