Ignore, because I'm being dumb

Might delete this later but probably won't because I always say I will and then never do.

For some reason I started thinking about the photo album I gave to him for our anniversary.  More so I started thinking about the things I wrote alongside each picture I put in there and how blissfully ignorant I was of the inevitable future and everything.  And I wish more than anything I never wrote any of those things.  I wish I never made that album and I just gave some trivial thing that in the end wouldn't have meant anything.  Something stupid.  Something that didn't mean anything.

Because that album did mean something to me, really.  When I was making it, I remember how happy I was to be putting it together and to be writing things in it and I sincerely did think that it could later be filled up with more pictures and more adventures and everything.

I doubt he still has it.  Or if he does, it probably means absolutely nothing.  Everything I gave him probably means nothing, as he has told me what happened with other things exes had given him.  They meant nothing.  They were junk.  And now all the stuff I gave is in that category.  (Besides, of course, the stuff he could actually still use, I suppose.)  Meanwhile, I couldn't even hold on to the majority of things he gave me because they meant too much to me.

Actually, it is pathetic; I still have wolfy.  I still have that little stuffed wolf because although I know I should give him away or donate him or something, the thought of doing that still...I don't know.  It still makes me so fucking sad.  He kept me company while I was in London and everything and I just...I can't bring myself to get rid of him.  Even if I become sad when I look at him.  I don't cuddle with him when I'm going to sleep anymore, but he does stay on my bookshelf.  Ha.  Even putting him somewhere I can't see depresses me.  It is sad.  I'm just a pathetic person, really.

I don't know why I started thinking about this, honestly.  It makes no sense.  I've been getting stuff done all day today so I don't really know why it hit me in a weird and gross and obsessive kind of way.  But it made me sad and I wish I could stop thinking about it.

Really, I would love to just...forget about everything.  Forget about him and about the things I gave him and vice-versa.  I don't want his memory.

Forget about everything.

Unfortunately, I cannot.

And that shit continues to haunt me.

Ha.  He really did mean more to me than I ever did to him.

Sad.