"proud of myself, and the loner I've become"

I finally started A Link Between Worlds and it is so much fun so far and I have a feeling I will get through this rather quickly.  Then again, I always misjudge how long Zelda games will take me (either thinking a game will be longer or shorter than it actually is), so we will see.  If anything, I can bring it on cruise with me, even though my major plan for that is to get through (hopefully) the rest of A Song of Ice and Fire.

And I got through most of 2009 for South Africa in terms of coding, so that is good.  I would like to finish that and start Namibia this week if possible, but at the same time I might want to spend some time tomorrow doing my own work, since I have another meeting with my adviser to go over shit.

It has started to hit me more and more that I really should become more open to coauthoring with some other grad students, given that it would be mutually beneficial and allow me to expand my reach for papers with not as much work as if I tried to go it alone.  The only problem is that I am really not good when it comes to working with people, and I have made that known among my cohort.  I'd rather go it alone and therefore have all the responsibilities (and likewise all the blame if shit goes wrong).  It is kind of how I've always been.  Despite that these are people I can rely on for the most part - unlike the vast majority of past group projects in my educational history - I still am uncomfortable with the idea.  However, I will have a higher chance of getting things finished and getting manuscripts out for publications if I coauthor some things.  ...Which is also problematic in that my area does not really cross with anyone in my cohort's area.  There is one possibility, but he and I look at slightly different things in terms of foreign policy, and he focuses on a comparative perspective while I am usually American.  Plus I think he has others he is coauthoring with already and thus probably has too much on his plate.

I guess I kind of shot myself in the foot with this stuff.

I rarely go out due to sad feels, not wanting to socialize, lack of desire to go to bars, etc.  But in not going out I have shoved myself away from possible coauthorships.  The sad thing is that on some level I am completely fine with this.


Also I went to health services to get my head looked at.  Things seem fine, apparently.  Woo.


Oh, other stuff on my do-to list for this summer (in other words: things I should do, but probably will not):
- Website.  Buy a domain and start that shit or something.
- There is an online journal idea one of the roommates and I have been very attached to for a few months now and we really would like to get started on that.  It would be something done for fun but also be a way to apply the shit we have learned and everything.
- Actual work.  Seriously man, you just keep coding and ignoring your own shit because coding is more mindless.  Stop sucking at everything.


I've been a fatty today.  All I want are my double chocolate doughnuts.

I'm feeling weird.  Blank, really.