I felt better today and so I was able to exercise and mow the lawn and finish coding Botswana.  Huzzah.  I do wish that I did a bit more, not going to lie, but we had an intense storm and there was a tornado warning in the area so I was confined to inside (not that that is very different from my normal routine).  But I could have done more work or started coding South Africa or something like that.  Instead I sat around and played on my phone, mostly.  

I keep telling myself that I should get back to my Let's Play blog, but I've been so fucking lazy with everything that even playing a game seems like too much work for some reason.  And now I have the South Park game courtesy of roommate and I want to play that (though I have been told that people want to watch since it is pretty much like playing a SP movie, so I have read).  

Also, on the game front, part of me keeps hoping that someone will get a Wii U so I could play SSB when it comes out.  For some reason I'm biased against the 3DS version, and part of me has been thinking about trying to get decent at that game again.  I was pretty good for a casual player with Brawl; if I tried going to tournaments at my peak I would not have won them, but I might have done alright.  Maybe.  I don't know.  It was hard to tell sometimes.  Either way, it'd be fun to get really good at a game like that.  Normal fighting games are not exactly my forte (truthfully I never really tried; I got too frustrated after seeing so many competitive people since I don't understand the concept of them taking years to get that good), but I was pretty good at Melee and Brawl.  Again, for a casual player. 

Something that I have found myself doing since my relationship (even after its disastrous end) that I never really did before was think about weddings.  Specifically, how I would want mine to look.  Which is really fucking annoying for more than a few reasons.  Before relationship, I never really thought about things like that.  Instead, I dreamt about different careers and everything.  I did not think about weddings because I did not want to have one.  However, post-relationship changed many things, and that was one of them.  In my head, whatever I do should be non-conventional and non-serious, since I have never been one for traditional things and following crowds, and serious things usually just give me anxiety.  Dress would not be all white because I really don't like white all that much.  I already know the song for the dance with my father.  All that corny shit.  

But I just hate that things like that even cross my mind.  Of course, I also think about career stuff still, but I sometimes find my inner voice telling me that is all that should be in my head.  Despite any loneliness I feel, I just am not comfortable enough around people nowadays to try dating or anything.  Plus, I really hate trying to do anything like that without establishing the connection first, which is really stupid and stuff and makes everything harder but is how I am.  And I know "that's just how I am" is a bullshit excuse for not changing, but I legitimately did try to change and date without the real connection being felt and it all just crashed and burned.  So I have kind of just been in a "eh whatever" sort of mood towards the dating world.  Really the social world in general.  People are exhausting most of the time.       

It's stupid.  I hate it.