Little sister left not too long ago, sadly.  She has to work tomorrow, but luckily we will be reunited next week and then be on a giant boat with the parental units.  I am excite for that.

Yesterday we went to the mall in Syracuse, which is comparable to KoP in terms of size.  So we spent all day there, with me mainly looking for cosplay stuff.  I was able to find shorts and tights, and I did find a shirt, though to me it was too expensive to justify buying.  Instead I'll look around thrift stores and all and see what I can locate.  Frustratingly, I was unable to find adequate boots, so that search continues.  This week I'll try to run around and see what I can find.  I do need to also get a lab coat, and then I'll need to do some altering to the shirt, though I might ask if someone else can do that (aka - someone with better sewing abilities).

And then today, I took her to our arcade and then to the movies, both of which she loved.  I was very pleased, and I have not been to the arcade in a while, so that was good.  I still have a decent amount of tokens left, so maybe I'll try and head back this week sometime.


"Should I have at least done a video message...?"  This question remains in my head and gets particularly loud whenever I wake up after a dream with ex in it.  Unfortunately those have become frequent again, and it is really annoying and tiring.  Instead of getting a decent night's sleep, I wake up tired and then drink a fuck ton of soda and caffeine and then have other problems and it just kind of sucks.

One of the best dreams I ever had with him in it involved me having head trauma and having to get brain surgery.  He showed up at the hospital, and when I looked at him, I had no idea who he was.  I just stared at him blankly, and told him that I had no idea who he was, but that I had a feeling he was a bad person, and therefore I wanted him to leave.  He tried to convince me that we were friends and that we cared about each other, and I said that he was lying, because I just had a terrible feeling about him, and knew that he would hurt me if he stuck around.

In terms of how ex-dreams go, that was the best one, because I forgot all that happened while still maintaining he was not a good person.  It was nice.

So things like that often continually poke at that question of confrontation, but a video message I really just find to be inadequate.  Not that it matters.  Again, he has yet another girlfriend, now has a new job in a new place, and probably a whole new Marvel gang to hang out with and it all just makes me kind of angry when I think about it.  I wish I could let it all go and everything, but looking at his possible happiness without any repercussions for the fucking shit he has done and the pain he has inflicted upon me and others is just...I don't know.  It just furthers my cynicism and belief that we live in a crapstastic world.

Really, there are days where I don't think about this as much as others.  Those are days where I am thoroughly distracted and am doing other things.  But regardless, I am sure he neither cares nor thinks about anything.  He probably also would just think that I am bitterly holding onto something, mocking my anger and all the hurt I have felt in the past like he once did.

When I think about it, I wish I used any opportunity I had in the past to punch him in the throat at least once.

Yeah, this shit is on my mind right now.  Dreams do that man.