Semester 6

Semester started yesterday, and of course, I already feel like I am behind on things.

While the class for the Advanced Research Seminar seems like it will be interesting and good in terms of getting dissertation on track, I am also scared of it.  Because it is kind of dependent on having a clear area and adviser and right now I'm not sure about either one of those.  Though only having that one class for my own should theoretically allow me to have more time to figure out what it is that I want to do.

...Though the fact that I started Inquisition the other day is going to hurt that.  It is so good so far and that is the only thing I really want to do right now.  Even though I need to code and start making up a schedule and everything for work.

My plan for this semester is to try and build a 5-day workweek so that I am only working during that time and my time at home is spent relaxing.  I would like to have a living situation where I can completely separate my work life from everything else; the fact that the two have become blurred probably does nothing but contribute to my overall stress and anxiety.

Since I've been back I've found myself becoming more reclusive again; the idea of hanging out with people in my free time is just...unappealing.  Even hanging out with my roommates for an extended period of time seems like too much to handle and I just want to be by myself/just hanging out with Callie.  The problem is that I'm starting to worry that my reclusiveness is affecting her; she seems less social with other dogs when we go to the park and everything.  But when she and I are by ourselves and playing (in the snow, especially), she seems much happier.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm reading too much into it.  She just seems less energetic and outgoing than she was in the past.  It could be a function of becoming an adult, but she also just seems uninterested in toys and other things and I am afraid that my depression has rubbed off on her.

Hopefully the longer walks I've been taking her on and us going back to agility starting later today will get her more energetic or something.

Despite the long break, I still don't feel as though I am ready to be back.  Perhaps I should have done more for myself.

Maybe I'm already beating myself up too much.  It is only the second day of the semester.