NYE

I got home from PA around two hours ago, after stopping in to Philly to visit Friend S.  He and I had lunch and then hung out for a while, which was really really nice.

So, anyway, I guess I can go into more detail right now about how NYE went and everything.

After I got to the apartment, it wasn't too long after college roommate and I went to pick up two other undergrad friends from the train station.  They both live in Philly right now (as do...a ton of people from my undergrad).  We ran to Wegmans and Wawa for foodstuffs, and then back to apartment.

Originally, the plan was to play board games throughout the night, but we all ended up just talking and swapping stories with each other.  A lot of them were nostalgic and about past experiences, and others were more recent.  Overall, it was a fun time; no board games, but listening to stories was fun, especially when one friend in particular tells them.  He is quite a hilarious storyteller.

Eventually, we got into more serious conversations.

One of which was the subject of my ex and our breakup.  Of the people in that room, the only one who knew what had really happened was my college roommate.  The other two didn't really know.  They both did say that they did not like him and that thought he was kind of an asshole even before I relayed what had happened.  I explained the manipulation and how the ex dumped me, and what he kept telling me despite being with someone else.  How he didn't really seem to care about my being hurt (I received some aghast looks when I told them that ex had told me that it was illogical and selfish for me to feel betrayed, for example, when I found certain things out), and kept dangling me until I finally did stop talking to him.  And then how he emailed me out of the blue after he broke up with his then-gf, and how he started out apologetic, but then got more and more defensive as I pointed more and more things out to him.  And, of course, how his replies became less frequent after he met his now gf.  Aka - I was no longer necessary since he had someone else to relieve him of the reality of how fucking terrible he is.

My friend told me a story of what happened the day the ex broke up with me - he was working in the library, and ex went up to him and said hi.  Which was surprising and weird to him, since he and ex never really talked and he apparently was not a fan of ex.  Apparently, ex just asked how he was doing and then randomly said that we had broken up and that "it just wasn't working out" and then left.  My friend said that this brought up a bunch of red flags for him - ex just going up and saying that to one of my friends and then trying to play it off as if it was no big deal; it was apparently obvious that the breakup was not mutual and that he was trying to play if off as if it was.

The fact that he went to my friends before I did is unsurprising, but also something I did not know.  But it is nice to hear that my friend say that he immediately knew that some bullshit had happened and that he always kind of disliked him (he then defriended him om facebook, which is, while not really that big of a deal, still symbolic).  He also asked if there was some level of sociopathy on ex's part, to which I said probably.  Also, after apologizing and saying that I probably should be over everything by now, they were all super understanding, saying that that kind of emotional manipulation and everything takes much much longer to get over than just a regular breakup, and that it also makes it difficult to want to date or trust anyone again.  I really appreciated that.

Later on that night, after college roommate and her boyfriend went to bed, the three of us remaining started talking about our depressions and anxieties, and how we have been trying to deal with them.  Hearing that the others were also on medication was oddly comforting.  I wish that we were all happy and did not need them, but...there is some comfort found in shared experiences.  All of us seem to have this same...confusion about where we are in life and what will make us happy or anything.  We don't seem to know what we want to do and all seem to feel lost.

We shared our stories and experiences and...I don't know.  Even though the topic was dark, it was nice, in its own weird way.

The next day we went to the diner near campus for lunch, as a way to continue the nostalgia.  It was interesting and nice, again.  Later on, after friends left, I went to college roommate's parents' house for dinner and to hang out for a bit.  Spent the night back at the apartment and then today I was able to get my blizzard and then go to Philly to see Friend S.

Overall, I am very pleased that I went out to PA.  Hopefully now that classes are done, I can go down there to see people more often.