Got our comps questions a day earlier than we thought we would and I am okay with that.  I'm trying to not stress about it or worry too much; I sort of outlined some notes for one of them already and I think I'll take things one at a time instead of trying to figure out the plan for all four of them first.  That way I won't get confused between them or anything and can just shift focus from one to the other and things won't get jumbled (hopefully).

Also I'm still feeling weird and stuff, but roommates C and B and I went to see Taken 3, which was awesome.  In that "Liam kicking everyone's ass" is awesome, of course.  That is the reason we go to see those movies.  We bonded over Taken 2 in our first year so it is kind of awesome we were able to do that again.

Before that, I had a meeting with the grad director, who knows about my situation and everything in terms of my mental health stuff and she was checking up on me and wanting to chat about some stuff.  It is nice to have someone in the department (in terms of faculty) that I can directly go to with respect to that particular issue, and if I'm having a really rough time, I can go to her and she'll understand and help me as best as she could.  I really appreciate that.  We also talked about the politics and fiction class that I'm interested in developing for next year; she said she loves the idea (and is jealous that I would get to teach it aha), but is just concerned that it would take time away from my dissertation, and that is a bit worrisome since I'm still in the "I have no idea what I want to do" stage.  Which is understandable, really.  But hopefully I'll figure out a prospectus topic and will get into it; I really want to do the fiction class without any worries or possible problems (well...at least no problems that I can avoid).

It was a nice talk, really.

Also I've been taking Callie for hour-long walks in the morning instead of 20 minute ones.  I need to get back into being more active, and while that isn't a huge difference, it is a step.  I've been stuck in the listless tired phase too long and I would like to get out of it, but I'm afraid I'll exhaust myself if I try to do too many things too quickly, and then will end up not doing anything again.

After comps are over, I do think I'll try to sign up for something.  Some class.  To learn something physical.  Or just to be more active and...social with other people.

I've explained my fear and hatred of being a beginner at things, because I convince myself that I'm being cruelly judged and I don't like not being...good at things.  I'll blame it on the perfectionism (which is...exactly what drives that).  It is one of the reasons I get really embarrassed when I fuck up something in front of people and give up relatively quickly.  I don't want people to watch my failures.  Usually, I'd rather practice on my own and then at least get semi-decent before heading to a group.  But that is kind of impossible when I need to actually learn something new first.

I'll try to get over that fear.