I had an ex-related dream last night, for the first time in a while.

When I woke up I remembered everything, but I am fuzzy on the details now, honestly.  I remember we were in some empty room, maybe an office.  And at first we were talking about something unrelated to our past.  Maybe business or something.  How we both ended up working for the same place is beyond me, but I digress.  Anyway, there was obvious tension in the room, and I think I said something along the lines of myself being the only one who was fighting for him among the higher ups (yes, I was an executive for some reason I have no idea), but that he was once again too stupid and blind to see it.

After that, things from the past started in.  And he continued to repeat things he had said in the past, and I kept rolling my eyes, until I eventually just became tired and exasperated.  I mentioned once again how much it sucked on my end to see him jump from me immediately to others, but that I wasn't surprised that he didn't really understand because he only ever really thought about himself.  And then I kind of threw my hands in the air and said, "whatever, it doesn't matter; you have [his gf's name] now and seem happy and I'm so glad for you."  The sarcasm was laid on really thick, but behind that I was just hurt and sad and I felt physically and emotionally weak.


Really, I don't know why this dream happened; it isn't like I've been actively thinking about him or the past or anything like that.  Maybe it is just that I find myself...relapsing, if that is the right word to use.  I'm eating only one real meal a day (with some unhealthy snacks surrounding that) and so I feel super weak and tired and don't want to do anything other than lay in bed and play games or watch tv or something.  And we have things to do in the department and one of them involves talking to your adviser about dissertation and I'm unnecessarily stressing about that because I have no idea what I want to do and therefore don't really know who my adviser should be anymore.

...I want crispy m&ms.