Although I have been thinking a lot less about the past lately (which I honestly, as I have said before, can't tell if it is a mix between getting over things more or being thoroughly distracted from it), I still sometimes find myself wondering about things.  Sometimes it is about big things, of which I talk about frequently.  But other times it is little things.  Things that cross my mind in passing, or things I find myself missing despite everything that has happened.  

Earlier today, after putting one of my new shelves up, I took wolfy and stared at him for a second before placing him up there.  In reality, I probably should not have.  Later, when I was showing roommate my progress, he took wolfy and started kind of 'aww'-ing and saying that he was going to keep it and I just laughed sheepishly and stuff.  Normally, when he jokes about things like that I also jokingly get very "NO >8(" but instead this time I just laughed.  I got nervous, for some reason.  Part of me wanted to say "yes, please, take him away from me," but the other part of me wanted to respond in that normal joking manner.  Instead, I just became uncomfortable.  I don't think I ever told him where wolfy came from.  And if I did and he ever asked me why I still had him I would probably just shrug.  I just can't seem to get rid of him. 

And then sometimes I start wondering what things would have been like if shit didn't go down the way it did.  Or even if ex was actually the person I thought he was.  How things would have looked in a more...perfect world, so to say.  Would we still be together, or was our separation inevitable?  Thinking about things like that scares me.  I don't want to think what would happen in a "perfect world," as that thought process has steered me down dark alleys before, and I do not care to so casually revisit them.  

I've become more content with being alone, oddly.  Or perhaps I have just become used to (comfortable with, even) my loneliness and distrust for people.  Callie is really who I want to spend my days with.  If I could, I would be down with my parents still.  When I'm on the Island, I tend to not really hang out with anyone other than family.  Sometimes I will see a friend here or there, but most of my high school friends (the ones I actually still talk to, I mean) are in other places now.  I feel bad sometimes...I feel like I should want to be more social, but I just...it is exhausting, a lot of times.  And meeting new people if kind of out of the equation, or at least is has been lately. 

Man, I don't know.  I'm probably just being stupid.