Alright, now that I am at home and am back on my laptop, I can elaborate on my grand adventures on the southern waters.  Though, truthfully, my adventures were not so grand.  Relaxing, yes.  Grand, not so much.  Not that this is a bad thing.  I was in desperate need of some time to relax and do nothing but read, basically.

And read I did.  I got through books 3 and 4 of A Song of Ice and Fire, and am over 200 pages into the fifth.  Really, I could not turn away for very long, so much of my time on the boat was spent in a chair by one of the pools, eyes unable to leave the pages.  It really has been a glorious escape for me: whenever I felt as though I was getting sad or something, I retreated into this fictional world (as craptastic as it may be) and forgot about everything else.  And sometimes, despite being surrounded by beautiful scenery, I did find myself getting sad once in a while.  At times, either one of my parents or my sister would stress me out (see: San Juan experience), and I would do my best to remove myself from the situation.  I would even say, "this is stress," as I broke away.

Half Moon Cay, St. Thomas, San Juan, Grand Turk were our stops (all of which I have seen before).  Of those, San Juan was the one I could have done without.  Not because I dislike the place or anything.  Rather, it was extremely hot, and the four of us went together.  Which would not have been bad, but it seemed as though the four of us wanted different things without actually saying what it was we wanted to do.  I ended up eventually saying that I would go to the ship, not wanting to deal with the obvious and unnecessary tension that was coming from everyone else.  I like to think I was the calmest, trying to ease things.  It also helped that I had nothing I really wanted to do.  Wandering aimlessly in cities is something I actually really enjoy.  It was really hot though, so it is good that I left when I did.

Excursions happened in St. Thomas and Grand Turk.  In the former, we drove mini speedboats and in the latter, ATVs.  Both were incredibly fun, and I left wanting both of those vehicles, despite not needing either one.  Truthfully, I'd rather have an ATV; I've driven them before and I usually prefer land to sea.  I didn't go as fast as I really wanted to, but that is understandable given that it is an excursion.

And in Half Moon Cay, we just hung out on the beach, enjoying the water.  It was nice and relaxing.

I did also, for the first time ever, get a professional full body massage and let me say it was so fucking nice and I would definitely recommend and definitely do it again.  At first it was a little nerve-wracking, because I had to get pretty much completely naked (kept underwear on) and I wasn't sure what to expect.  But my masseuse was really comforting and great and I loved every minute of it.  I won't lie, part of me zoned out and thought how nice it would be for someone I loved to be touching me all over like that, but I tried to not dwell on it.  If I had, a whole weird mix of emotions I was already experiencing would have become overwhelming, so I just tried to think about nothing other than how my muscles felt.

Luckily, I did not really dwell on past things so much, in contrast to last year's cruise.  There were some dreams, only one of which I really remember and I wrote down because it stuck with me for a bit that day.  It was Thursday night into Friday; most of the details eluded me, but I recalled a conversation between ex and I.  We were sitting at a table, and I was angry.  He took my hands, and started to cry, telling me that he loved me more than anyone who has ever come into his life, and that is why he did what he did.  He had to save me from himself, since he said that he would have destroyed me from the inside.  I jerked away, yelling at him and crying angrily.  Despite this, he insisted over and over that he only ever wanted to protect me.  I replied, screaming that what he did almost killed me (albeit indirectly) and I needed neither his saving nor his protection.  After that, he could not look at me, but he still cried.

I woke from that somewhat angry.  Angry that even in my dreams he could suggest something like that.  He sung that tune to me before, and I now believe that it was only a veil to soften the blow and cover the true reason behind the sudden breakup he sprung on me.  He went on to have three other women love him, and he them (supposedly, I suppose) directly after me, and he wanted me to ever believe that he would spare me from himself and not them?  It was bullshit then and it remains exactly that now and I refuse to believe it, even if my brain would have me entertain the notion through his voice and his likeness.

Plus, I was angry that he showed up while I was on my cruise.

Let's just say I once again retreated into my books.

Other than that, though, my vacation was overall very nice.  Not particularly remarkable, in all honesty, but I did not need something remarkable.  I needed something relaxing, and that is - for the most part - what I got.  I did start to get self-conscious about my body and everything, as I wasn't able to work out and I was eating more than usual (it is hard to not on a cruise, truthfully).  Hopefully I'll be able to get back on track for Otakon this weekend.

Well...back to work, I suppose.