I interpret things in a certain way. Things that I'm probably interpreting incorrectly. Things that honestly are not even my business.
But they still make me want to throw up. They make me shake. And they make my heart race in an uncomfortable way while my stomach twists in a hideous knot.
Maybe it is also because of the caffeine that I'm shaking a lot right now. Then again, maybe it is just because I hate this.
I really do hate wanting to talk every day, but I concede to not. I don't even message him that often, and I wonder how that makes him feel. I hate thinking that I'm not special to him anymore.
Because he is to me, more than he should be. Even if I try to be more distant. Even when I try to act cold when I'm upset about something. He is still special to me.
I fucking hate that.
[Edit] - I caved and called. I'm still freaking out about assignments and stuff, but. It was nice to talk.
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