I feel sick

I just read something that has made that too familiar knot return in my stomach.

I don't even want to talk about homecoming right now, but to make a long story very short: had a fun time at the gala with friends, though I saw someone I really did not want to see.  The next day I had lunch with him where I started feeling as sick as I do right now, and he informed me of the fact that he's not dating anyone, and we both remarked how we miss each other and I fucking sobbed because I'm a loser.  What I just read, however, makes me question that entire conversation.  I should really stop reading it, but I can't, at this point.  I'm masochistic, searching for things I know are just going to hurt me in the end.

I don't know what is true, really.  How she characterizes everything, or what he tells me.


I might want to stop communication with him.  I really don't want to, but at the same time, I really can't handle this anymore.