I have so many ideas for stories and fic and yet I still can't find the motivation to write any of it because I know I can't write creatively for fucking shit and my love of writing I guess still has taken a hit from grad school and so I just think of ideas and say "oh this would be cool."

Also I still can't motivate myself to do fucking anything so I just sit inside all day and tell myself that I'll do this and that tomorrow, except tomorrow never comes.

And I want to stop eating again but I haven't been able to because I'm hungry a lot and like eating bad stuff too much but I want to because I don't deserve it.

Things were supposed to be better why aren't they.

And I want to respond to a text I got a few days ago but I'm too unmotivated to even fucking do that and I'm a shit friend.  Hell, even the other day I couldn't stay at another friend's memorial day party for very long because there were too many people I didn't know and I got super uncomfortable and why do I suck so fucking much.