I'm not very good at hiding my anger, especially when I'm not feeling well.

So the student who basically lied to my face pretty much knows that I'm pissed and I really don't want him to think it is because I'm mad about his religious obligations (I'm not).  I'm just angry that he lied to me and basically caused me to have...let's say an episode because it was reminiscent of things.

Unfortunately, again, I'm not very good at hiding the fact that I am angry.  So in class (he showed up late) and I told him to join a group he tried to talk to me and I sort of dismissed him right away and perhaps kind of rudely, when I think about it in hindsight.  I kind was like "yeah I got the email, now go join the group," with an implicit "leave me the fuck alone right now."  And then I didn't really acknowledge him leave at the end of class (even though he constantly fucking stays when I'm trying to talk to my group leaders and he knows I do this every goddamn week).  Both things could have been handled better if I just learned how to control my anger when it begins to leak out but I was just shaking and flashing back to the other day's episode and it is his goddamn fault and all of that could have been avoided if he just a) did not lie to me to begin with, or b) had the courtesy to email me first saying "I forgot about this religious obligation of mine, can we please move it back to Wednesday; my rabbi will be contact you about it but I'm sorry I said Monday was fine."  If, of course, he actually did forget (which I doubt) and wasn't just trying to play a game with me.

But now I'm a bit afraid he is going to complain about me to someone and say I'm discriminatory or some bullshit when I just was angry and upset that he had the audacity to fucking lie to me.  I already did talk to the current acting chair of the department about it, so if he catches wind of things he does know some of the context and stuff (and knows that I was angry and dismissive towards the student today, I did not hide that). 

I'm just...I've never fucking had a problem like this with a student.  Sure I've had ones I've had issues with but not like this.  And I don't know how to handle it and I feel like a fucking failure all because I took his lying to me maybe too personally and now I'm mad about it and what if he fucking goes to complain about me that might hurt my already low chances of getting a job fuck why couldn't you just pretend to be okay.  You do it all the goddamn time!

You're an idiot.  If you can't handle this you won't be able to handle other tough shit, you realize that, right?  Either stop sucking or just end it already for everyone's fucking sake.