I still haven't received any sort of email back from the three professors I asked for help around a week ago, so I'm kind of on my own right now and kind of screwed.  In a weird way, though, I'm past the point of caring?  If I really cared as much as I once did, I would be freaking out a lot more than I currently am.  I can't bring myself to care right now about anything related to school, which kind of sucks because it is where I am right now and everything and I had been hoping that a semester off would have revitalized things but...no, they haven't. 

I can say this: I currently don't feel sad, like usual.  I just...don't feel much of anything most of the time.  Or rather...even that isn't exactly accurate.  I get angry at things, frustrated, even happy.  But these are fleeting, and when the time passes, I'm back into a state of nonchalance and...blankness, if that makes sense. 

Like...I feel so far removed from being happy that I don't know what that even means anymore.  

I know I'm still miserable, really.  I think the fact that I can't muster up the ability to care about anything I''m doing says that enough.  

More and more I become aware that academia isn't where I should be.  But do I struggle through the dissertation to get my degree?  Just focus on that and don't bother with any other papers? 

I've already said that I want to do something where I actually make an impact on people's lives, for the better.  

Some other things that I'm passionate about are dogs, women's rights, LGBTQ rights, fantasy fiction, fiction in general, math (pure math, not the statistics stuff I'm currently doing)...

Basically, I think my path is pointing towards more activism, somehow.  

Or being a writer. 

Maybe I can do both?  

I just don't know how longer I can stand the suffocation of academia.