I have another tutoring session tomorrow for which I feel completely unprepared for, despite that I prepped and all.

Today I was able to talk with Nancy.  I explained my mood lately, and how it has dropped significantly since I've returned to Bing, and how I really kind of want to go home to Long Island because I felt happier there.  (Really, I kind of want to take a trip down to PA, now that I'm thinking about it.)  We talked about how I hate this idea that I need to do one thing with my life, and how I'm having trouble trying to figure out what that one thing is.  Is it writing?  Is it academia?  Is it something I'm completely unaware of at the moment?  I'm not sure.

Despite her telling me that I don't need to do just one thing - because job doesn't have to be everything, which I suppose is true - I've just felt very...lost.  Like I'm listless.  I'm afraid to call back the place where I applied to be a data entry clerk temporarily because a) I'm afraid they'll reject me, and b) I'm afraid they'll hire me.  I want and need money, yes, but...I know I'll hate doing that and I am afraid of that.

We talked about my puppy cafe idea, and my possibly starting up my own business.  That could be something I research on the side, we discussed.  That there are plenty of places that would help me with something like that.  I said that although the idea sounds awesome in my head, I'm terrified of the risk it would take.


I'm also thinking about sending off one of my papers as is to a journal; it probably needs some tune up but I've been so far removed from it that I'm not sure if I really care.  I think I care more about just trying to get something out there.