So I definitely think these new meds are working as they are supposed to, which basically sort of supports the bipolar diagnosis; it is nice just knowing so that we can tackle it and everything!  I'm moving up to 100 mg on that and going down on the zoloft to 100 mg just to see if maybe I can ween off of that eventually!

But like, things really have improved!  I fixed parts of my game for my second chapter; I'm still working on it, but it is closer to what I will ultimately want, I think!  And I coordinated some of my committee members so we will have a meeting soon to go over it; the last few sessions with my adviser have been 2+ hours (some closing in on 3) so it will be nice to try and hash this thing out with at least two in the same room! 

And after finding out that Callie needed surgery, I did not panic or spiral but instead thought immediately of what I could do to raise the money (the gofundme is close to the goal I set)!  And the other day, when someone stole shit from my car, I was upset but not like...again, spiraling. 

But I've gotten work done and haven't felt like I cannot do anything other than stay in bed.  Sure there have been a few days where I've gotten super sucked into Fallout 4, but that is less me feeling unable to work and so depressed that I need an escape and more just me getting sucked into things I enjoy, as I tend to do.  I also want to try Beachbody on Demand as a way to get back into exercising?  I was doing really well and then stopped and now I have no gym or anything, so maybe I could do that.  That's the company that put out Insanity, which I was committed to, and by having access to everything they have done lets me have some variety in case I am not feeling like doing something super intense due to my mood or tiredness or anything.  I will just need to somehow make the small space in my living room work alright!  (And although I do not have a lot of equipment, I do have 20 and 15 lb kettlebells I could work with in case there are times where I want to do an equipment-needed program.)

The only problem is the nutrition - unfortunately any results will be offset by my diet (I have been looking up some things and apparently it is a new thing in psychiatry - used to be called Selective Eating Disorder and is now called Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder and it all sounds so familiar so I'm hesitantly adding that to the list of mental illnesses that I have collected aha).  I've resigned to that but like it still can be frustrating.  I want to eat better but everything sounds so...gross.  Even before I treated myself to Dunkin since I was out and wanted to eat before settling at Barnes and Noble for a bit, I thought about how I'm picky about where I get fresh doughnuts.  Basically, they need to be from Dunkin.  I've had from other places and they are never the way I like them.  I'm not really sure how to describe it.  But I'm like that with a lot of things; the brand is important because different brands taste different to the point where I love one but hate another. 

Anyway, it was just something I was reading up about and found it interesting.

But yeah, I just feel much more productive than usual and things do not feel so damn terrible (personally; in terms of the political discourse things are just....awful).  It's good!  There is a part of me that is hesitant still, like I'm waiting for the turn and for this to go downhill again, but...right now things are good.  And I was told I should write all this down so that if a downturn happens, I could look back and see how much better I am now than I was, and how much I've dealt with and survived for so long. 

Progress!  It is nice.