Stupidly, I got into a political argument on facebook with cousins.

After trying to calmly explain my issue with comparing a super successful female politician to a guy who just entered politics in terms of their qualifications for president (stressing that I was not talking about policy whatsoever), I was immediately attacked because I dared to say that I liked Clinton (and even admitted my own bias about that).

When I countered some...incorrect stuff, I was hit with more incorrect stuff that showed me that no one listened to the first things I said, even though I was trying to be like "hey, look, you're saying some stuff that factually isn't true...I actually know what I'm talking about because I'm a political scientist so maybe don't dismiss me so easily."

Which culminated in me getting continually ignored, and then finally (in my frustration), I said that I shouldn't talk politics to non-political scientists anymore, which basically led to people calling me out as being super elitist (in all but those words) and then people actually basically said that my degree and my education means nothing.

So yeah, I ended up defriending cousins today.

Because fuck you for saying that my four years worth of suffering to become an expert in this field amounts to nothing.

All I said was that I have views on the system itself that kind of show that you're not correct about how the system itself works, but nah man, let's ignore the person who studies this for a living in favor of our own narrative.


It did hurt, actually.  I don't care if you disagree with me on policy.  But don't tell me that my degree and my knowledge are worthless, basically.

I hate being startled awake out of a super vivid dream, because then it feels like I haven't slept at all and it is super frustrating.

Dream did involve the ex, but involved me getting to know his gf and we ended up being super tight and then kind of got into a physical fight with him and while I know that would never happen it was cathartic in the dream.  Idk man.

Not really sure why I still have dreams of him, but they are fewer and farther (further?) in-between than they once were, which is good.

I just wish that instead my brain would have let me sleep.

Like I feel as though I'm a zombie right now.

ALSO I JUST REALIZED I never announced/put in here that my prospectus has been passed and I'm officially ABD and that is exciting.

Overall, August was pretty good to me, actually.  I guess 2016 decided to throw me a bone since the rest of the months have been so shitty.

On Wednesday, I had a nice chat (while getting ice cream) with my friend about his being absent from my life for the past...year, which I had attributed to his finding a girlfriend and everything.  He explained to me some really bad stuff that has been happening to him throughout this year, and while I said that I understand more than most this idea of feeling so sad that you don't want to do anything, I wish he would have told me at least that (I remarked that the details I wouldn't need to know, if he didn't want to express them), because him not saying anything to me and just kind if disappearing made me jump to the conclusion that his having a girlfriend he doesn't need to complain about made me obsolete and everything.  And that I was basically afraid that he no longer saw use of me/liked me because I know I'm not the most fun person in the world and stuff, so if I couldn't help out with something, then what good am I to him?

He insisted that it was nothing like that at all, and he still considers me one of his best friends up here.  I was able to express my distaste over everything that has gone on in the department in the past year, and he admitted that things could have been handled much better than they have been, which I appreciated.  

I did say that if he ever wanted to just hang out and watch stuff, that I'm always down for doing that.  (I mean, college roommate was here Friday-Monday morning and we basically spent all day on Sunday watching season 1 of Steven Universe!  Also yes, she was here and it was wonderful, though it was also sad when I had to watch her leave...there is a comfort with her that I don't really have with many people that is kind of on a extra level...if that makes sense.)  Or if he just wanted someone to talk with or anything, that I am there for him and everything.

So, hopefully I'll see more of him...that would be nice.