orlando

(Might crosspost to facebook but I'm not entirely sure yet.)

I wanted to write something more substantial, because I'm in a state of both shock and unsurprise.  Of having so many feelings, and yet also feeling so very numb.

While some of my friends may know, others might not, because I don't think I have ever said these particular words out loud: I identify as lgbtqa+.  Really, I would give the actual label of my identification, if I knew what it was; it has always been a subject that I was never very sure of myself, and it has only been somewhat recently that I've allowed myself to talk about it more openly, if only online at times.  Right now, I just usually say that my sexuality is fluid.

But, I am decidedly not straight.  That I do know.

I hope this does not read as though I'm pulling a card, as if to say that I have more authority to speak than others do, because that is not my intention.  What I do hope is that it shines some more light on how closely I feel about what has occurred, and why I repeatedly ask for the things I ask for.

When I ask for representation in media, yes, it is so that I can see someone more like myself in the fictional worlds that I love so much.  Whenever I see bisexual women, especially, I tend to become ecstatic (I believe when How To Get Away With Murder's Annalise Keating was revealed to be bisexual, I screamed.  Likewise, when Korrasami became endgame canon in The Legend of Korra, I almost cried).

But there is more to it.  It is also so that everyone else will see someone like me on their televisions.  They will see a hero they love, and perhaps some of them will not hate him or her for their queerness.  It is why I would love to see Captain America and Dean Winchester come out as bisexual.  Why I would love for Poe Dameron to be gay.  Why I would enjoy Rey being asexual, or polyamorous.  Why more trans characters are needed who are heroic and yet flawed, just like Sophia Burset.

I want everyone to see these characters they love and to continue loving them and recognize that who they are attracted to, or what kind of attraction they have, does not affect the content of their character.  They are heroic and brave and selfless and kind, while also having the ability to be flawed and proud and stubborn.

That these characters are human.      

It is why I become angry when I constantly see lgbtqa+ characters killed on television, or when their romances end in sudden tragedy, like Clarke and Lexa.  When I see strong characters reduced to their sexuality, fodder for anti-lgbtqa+ and stereotypical tropes, such as Loras Tyrell (show only, as the book does him great justice).  Because it sends a message: that we in the lgbtqa+ community are expendable.  That our lives are destined to end tragically.  That we are slaves to our whims, and cannot act rationally because of them.

I need lgbtqa+ characters to be shown, not implied, like Dumbledore.

I need more Annalise Keatings.  More Korras and Asami Satos.  More characters like Pearl, Ruby, and Sapphire.  More princes in love, like Damen and Laurent, or Achilles and Patroclus.

I need more people to see that we are human, and to love us.

Representation is important; everyone consumes some form of fiction.  We fall in love with characters from all types of genres.  We identify with them, see ourselves in them...see the people we want to be in them.

I believe in the power of fiction as a medium to spread love and understanding.

I want more straight people to see the qualities they love in queer characters.

Because then, maybe, just maybe, some of those who hate us, can learn to love us instead.