My parents surprise-visited me yesterday because they wanted to continue talking about the stuff that I finally revealed to them and everything.

We ended up taking Callie to the dog park, and while she was running around in the water we sat on a bench and I was able to explain more of my mentality and everything.  They asked if this was driven a lot by the ex, because to them it appeared as if I was super self-confident and everything prior to that.  I said that he was more a catalyst than a cause, and that most of the time I was putting up a front to cover up my deep self-doubt/self-loathing.

At one point I was talking about my "good traits," that I needed to list, and I explained that I basically couldn't answer that.  That I had responded with "I guess I'm a good student...and I can write at times."  And that was the part that almost got my mom to start crying (though she tried to hold back I think for my sake, but she did say that she wanted to cry), because she then started saying that I was a good daughter and sister and person and I think hearing that I think so little of myself was...jarring, if that is the right word for it.

She (and my dad agreed) said that she knew I was unhappy, but didn't realize that it was this bad.

They reiterated that I always have a place at home, and if I have to go home and not work for a while and just get better then that would be okay and I shouldn't worry about money or working or anything like that right now.

Apparently also my sisters are worried about me, which was surprising.  Not because I don't think they care, but because I didn't think I gave them reason to, I guess.  I thought I had hid some things better.  Or I just didn't think I came up in conversation, really.

But...I mean.  They know things now, which is probably for the best.